We Are Infinite
by yellowdickroad
Summary: After admitting to Tetsuhiro that he wants him to stay, Souchi's life returns to normal and Tetsuhiro begins his training at S Pharmaceuticals. Soon, old ghost begins to haunt the two and this time, ignoring it won't make it go away.
1. A Continuation

Souchi POV

"I'm home," Souchi mumbles to himself as he opens the door to his shared apartment. He toed his shoes off and dropped his backpack near the genkan and collapsed on the floor.

School had been hell.

Since Morinaga's departure, Souchi's day to day laboratory duties have at least doubled as well as the many errors he has had to fix from his barely competent lab assistances. A grimace crosses his face; both of them were decent, hard workers but slower learners, still very green. Souchi tried to remember their names but all he could conjure of from his exhausted mind was a vague face of a petite girl and a young man with glasses. Oh well, he was never good with names...or faces for that matter.

Ringgggg!

Souchi's thoughts was disrupted by the shrill cry of his cell phone. "Morinaga" flashed across his iPhone. Debating whether or not he really wanted to put up with Morinaga's antics right now, Souchi ended up accepting the call anyway.

"Hello?"

"Senpai! How are you? What are you doing?"

Morinaga's excited chatter echoed through the empty apartment and bounced off the silent walls.

"God Morinaga, calm down. I'm right here, you don't need to yell in my ear!"

"Oh..sorry senpai. I'm just so excited to talk to you. I can't wait to tell you about how my training's going!"

As Morinaga's chatter continued, Souchi dragged himself off the ground and lugged his backpack into this bedroom. Tossing it on his backpack on his desk chair, he fell back on his bed. His lids felt heavy.

"Senpai…? Are you listen…? Sen-"

"I'm awake, I'm awake."

Souchi tried to blink back his tiredness but it was futile.

"Morinaga, I'm gonna take a short nap. When are you getting back again? Tomorrow?" Souchi attempted to pinpoint the exact date he remembered Morinaga's telling him a while back.

"Tonight! I get back tonight! I can't believe you forgot senpai."

Souchi could already hear the pout forming on his kouhai's lips. ...Damn. The guilt was already setting in. Quickly trying to save himself, he begins, "Oi. Calm do-"

"Go to sleep senpai. I'll just let myself in when I get back. I'm about to board, see you in a bit."

Clicks

...Damn. Why does Morinaga always do that. Make his mind wracked with guilt. Souchi tried redialing but it went straight to voicemail. Souchi sighed. Why did Morinaga make him feel this way. Guilty and anxious and upset and...unsettled. He tried redialing one more time but once again was met with voicemail. Damn, Morinaga must have boarded already.

Souchi sat up in the bed and begin preparing something to eat. No point in sleeping now. He walked to the kitchen to prepare eggs and and what ever else there was in the fridge.

After preparing eggs and toast, he sat down in front of the TV and began nibbling on his food. Souchi flipped through the channels and settled on a some documentary he was vaguely paying attention to.

Souchi half-listened to the special as he checked his notifications on his phone, waiting for a phone call or text from Morinaga…

"...I felt so dirty…" Souchi heard the girl from the documentary say. "I thought that if I stopped thinking about, if I ignored it, then it didn't my life would return to normal."

Souchi turned his full attention to the TV and continued listening, giving his full focus on the words of the young girl.

"Did you know him?" the faceless interviewer asked.

"Yes I did. He was a close friend… It made it that much harder to acknowledge that he hurt me. That he would betray my trust like that."

What are they talking about, Souchi thought. The longer he listened, the faster his heart beated. He didn't know why. It was a creeping sensation. On his skin. He wanted to turn the TV off, but he just couldn't.

Souchi eyes widen and he felt the wind knocked out of his lungs once he realized what the young girl was speaking about. He palmed his eyes hard. Souchi's breath was coming out shallow and labored. With ringing ears, Souchi missed the opening of the front door of his apartment.

"...-pai...Senpai?"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

Startled, Morinaga yanked his hand back and clutched it to his chest.

"I-I'm sorry…"

With a startling realization, Souchi regained his senses and blinked away his confusion. He saw the hurt in his kouhai's eyes as he looked down into Souchi's face, his demeanor. With a niggling in the back of his mind, he jolted up and raced to his bedroom.

"Senpai!" Morinaga's shouted after him. Souchi's door slammed and Morinaga's desperately knocked against it.

"Senpai! Are you okay? What happened?!"

Morinaga's frantic shouts were muffled by Souchi's hands pressed tightly against his ears.

"Go to sleep, Morinaga! Leave me alone! Please…!" Souchi's desperate voice was conveyed through the door. Morinaga sighed and stepped back.

"Alright...good night, senpai."


	2. Tension

**Souchi's POV**

"...-pai. Senpai. It's morning." Morinaga's tapped on Souchi's door. Since he didn't receive an answer, Morinaga sighed and headed for the kitchen.

Souchi heard him.

He's been awake since sunrise, staring at the nondescript ceiling above him. Half of him wants to sink into the mattress and half of him wants to see Morinaga again and clumsily explain his behavior last night. Well...explaining would required him to actually know why he reacted like that. The answer was illusive.

Why had he reacted like that? Souchi wasn't willfully ignorant. He knew why that documentary struck a chord with him. His history with his old mentor as well as Morinaga pretty much made him a veteran when it came to sexual assault.

Souchi wryly smirked. What an awful thing to be a veteran of.

He never thought much of Morinaga's assault. He was furious after the fact but if he was being honest with himself. He wouldn't have been angry forever. Maybe a few weeks for total avoidance, a few months of silent treatment, maybe a year of reluctance and cautious interactions. But he knew, eventually, he would stop thinking about it and him and Morinaga would go back to normal. As far as Souchi was concerned it didn't even happen.

And surprisingly, that was almost what had happened. Except for the fact he ends up in a weird quasi-relationship but not relationship with Morinaga instead of reverting back to kouhai and senpai.

Looking back, why didn't things go back to the way they were. He smirks to himself, _I remember. Morinaga emotionally blackmailed me into sleeping with him in exchange for his presence in my life. Should I have done that?_

Souchi tried to imagine a day to day life without Morinaga. Not eating breakfast with him. Not seeing him around the apartment. Not sharing reluctance but secretly desired kisses and intimacy. He couldn't.

But for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to leave his bed.

"Senpai. Breakfast is getting cold so come out and eat it soon. I'm gonna go out for a bit. Call me if you need anything." Souchi heard Morinaga from across his bedroom door.

Another sigh. Second one in a 24 hr period. That's a record.

Deciding to stop wading in pity, Souchi jumps off his bed and began his morning routine. Walking into the bathroom, Souchi tied his hair up in a high ponytail and started brushing his teeth. _Okay_ , he thinks to himself, _no more wallowing. Be a man and confront Morinaga directly when he gets back. This isn't like you._

Souchi rinsed, shaved, and sat down on the kitchen table to finish up some last minute lab work. He stomach protested loudly thirty minutes in his study.

"Didn't Morinaga made some food…" he mumbles aloud. He scans the kitchen and sees it on the counter next to the stove. He pops it in the microwave and continued his work. The microwaved beeped and went to fetch it. Sitting down, he slowly ate his breakfast while doing lab work. Slowly, time passed.

 _Oh my god...,_ Souchi realized, "It's already 4 p.m. Where is he?"

Picking up his iPhone, Souchi began to scroll through his notification.

Facebook...facebook...snap from Kanako...text from isogai...email from lab assistance...voicemail from university...huh...nothing from Morinaga. Scrolling through his contacts, he picks Morinaga's number and began calling. The line rings a few times before Souchi hears a click.

"Hello? What's up senpai?"

"Where the hell are you?! It's been hours since you left!"

"Oh wow, sorry senpai. I didn't realize how long I've been gone. I'm heading back now, might as well do some grocery shopping on the way. What do you want from dinner, senpai?"

"Um...something with shrimp."

"Alright. See you in a bit."

Souchi hung up and started cleaning around the kitchen, removing his papers and his laptop. _Okay,_ he thought, _one Morinaga get here, I'll talk to him about what happened last night._

 **Tetsuhiro POV**

"...Call me if you need anything." Morinaga said through Souchi's bedroom door. He sighed. Sometimes progress with senpai felt like 4 leaps forward and 10 leaps back. One day he's asking for Morinaga to stay. And then he's jerking back from every touch like it's fire. Maybe Morinaga's making too many assumptions again. Senpai needs time.

But he's not sure if hoping for a change in Senpai's attitude would change anything. It's hard hoping when you can't see a clear destination.

Stepping into one of his favorite bars, Adamsite, Morinaga greets the bartender.

"Angel! How have you been, we're about to close but I guess you can stay a bit longer." Hiroto says, "so...how are you and your senpai?" Hiroko eyes brows dances suggestively as he dried the glasses.

Morinaga, in a slight chuckle, "Haha, nothing even remotely worth sharing Hiroto." Morinaga face falls a miniscule amount and his eyes darken a shade. Hiroto, years of being the agony aunt to strangers, notices his change in expression and sighs.

"...You know you can tell me, y'know. I'll listen. Not judgement, swear." Hiroto said gently. Morinaga looks up and stares at Hiroto before reluctantly continuing.

"Senpai was acting weird last night."

"Weird how?"

"Like jumpy weird. When I got home from work, he was shaking with his hands covering his eyes. I touched his shoulder and he freaked out! He yelled 'Don't touch me!' but I don't even know what I did." Morinaga whispered in the end. His eyes were lidded, staring a hole into in long island ice tea.

"Maybe something set him off Angel." Hiroto suggested while preparing a drink for another patron. The patron bent down and whispered something in his ear that made him smile in amusement. With a nod of acknowledgement to the patron he made his way back to Tetsuhiro. "What do you think may have set him off?"

"I'm not sure...really." Morinaga contemplated. The clink of another long island ice tea being placed in front of him. As he reached for his wallet, Hiroto shook his head.

"Nope. The nice guy over there told me to 'give the skinny tall brunette another of whatever he's drinking'," Hiroto said, attempting to imitate the patron. Morinaga looked over and saw the man staring at him. Tipping his new drink in the man's direction, Morinaga smiled. Morinaga finally got a good look at his admirer under better lighting. He had dirty blond hair and looked about the same height as him.

"Cute right? " Hiroto pointed out when he noticed Morinaga checking him out.

"I guess but senpai's the only one for me." Morinaga said resolutely, schooling a determine look on his face.

The blond patron worked over and placed a hand on Morinaga's shoulder. "Hey cutie."

"Uh...hi…" Morinaga mumbled, "Thank you for the drink." He felt the hand slip off his shoulder and run down his arm. Morinaga jerked back.

"Sorry. I'm in a relationship...sort of…" Morinaga said with a slight pitch in his voice, "Anyway, sorry…Excuse me, I have to go, Hiroto, and um-"

"Mathew. Mathew Lock." Morinaga

Morinaga vaguely noticed he was American did not think too much as he made his way towards the exit.


	3. Silence

**Souchi POV**

A light knock coming from the front door snapped Souchi from his lab work. _Huh, I guess he's home with groceries,_ Souchi thought, _Okay, I after dinner I'll offer to make tea, apologize for my behavior last night, and then it'll be fine._

The light knocking continued once more.

"I'm coming!" Souchi called out as he sped up his steps toward the front door. Wrenching it open, he was greeted by Morinaga in a trendy blue button up and a sleek blazer, also carrying groceries. The contrast between his kouhai's outfit and the falling groceries in his arms and the tofu in his right hand made his chuckle. "Need some help?"

"Yes please!" Morinaga pleaded, trying to one-handedly rearrange his precariously placed groceries. Souchi quickly reached out for the tofu and the falling cans of chicken broth and quickly placed them in the kitchen counter. Morinaga followed him through the door, slipping in shoes off in the genkan as he went. He then heavily placed the bag of groceries on the counter next to the tofu and chicken broth, finally letting out a huge breath.

"Phew! When you're holding this much stuff in your hands, those few flights of stairs feel like miles!" Morinaga complained, sweat shining on his nose and red coloring in cheek from the exertion.

"Want something to drink?"

"Yeah, but I can get it myself senpai since I'm headed towards the fridge to make dinner."

Morinaga strided towards the fridge to look for extra ingredient. "Does tofu and shrimp fried rice sound good?"

"Yeah, that's fine." Souchi replied, taking a seat in one of the kitchen chairs. He propped his head on his hand and stared at Morinaga while he got dinner ready. While deveining the shrimp, Morinaga felt Souchi's state and glanced over his shoulder.

"Senpai…? Is something wrong?"

Startled, Senpai's eyes blinked and focused on his kouhai who's now slowly approaching the kitchen table.

"Are you okay…? You seem a little off. Are you sick?" Morinaga questioned worriedly. Lifting a hand to feel Souchi's forehead-

"DON'T!" Souchi shouted and jerked his head back but stayed glued to his seat. His eyes were scrunched up and his hands held out in front of his chest in fists, protective-like. Realizing the situation, he snapped his head up and tried to explain himself. "Wait Mo-"

Souchi's eyes widen at the scene before him, Morinaga's hands were up, palms facing outwards, 3 steps further back and wide, fearful eyes worriedly staring at Souchi. Like a child whose parents snapped at them after a back day at work.

"Senpai?...I'm sorry. Did I do something? What did I do?" Morinaga's questions came out rushed and panicked.

"Wait, Mori-" Souchi's began, clearing his throat a bit, he started again, "...ignore what happened just now."

"What? Ignore? I can't do that! Not after you've reacted like that." Morinaga frantically but sternly said. "Is there something you're not telling me? Did someone hurt you?"

The questions were firm and serious, and left no room for floundering. In all honestly, Souchi didn't know how to reply. We quietly looked down at his feet, hands gripping the hem of his button up. His knuckles had turned white and for some reason, his slippers now seem endlessly fascinating. Hearing a sigh, Souchi looked up and saw Morinaga's back now turned to him and his kouhai was back at the sink, readying dinner.

"When you're ready to talk about it senpai, I'll listen. Until then, I'll try not to touch you again." Morinaga said quietly. Although Souchi couldn't see his Morinaga's face, the tone of his voice alone made a sharp pain in Souchi's chest.

Still in the same position as before, Souchi looked down at his feet, focusin on the pieces of thread coming undone where the fabric met the soles of his slippers. Licking his lip, he tentatively began.

"The day before...there was this documentary on TV. This girl was being interviewd and...I don't know...I wasn't listening to it that intently…" Souchi mumbled, unsure of how to approach the topic.

"What was the documentary about Senpai." Morinaga asked, tone light but Souchi had noticed that Morinaga's right hand was gripping the knife unusually tightly.

"...Well, she was being interviewed for, well…" A silence fell unto the kitchen. "Sexual assault. By her boyfriend or something." Souchi finally whispered.

 _Clang!_

The sound of the knife dropping echoed throughout the small kitchen.


	4. A Cessation

**Souchi's POV**

Souchi's head snapped up after he heard the knife dropping.

"Shit! Sorry, did I scare you?" Morigana said quietly with his back still turned to Souchi, "I didn't mean to surprise you. The knife just dropped, I'm fine."

The sink's running water was still the only sound being heard in the kitchen. Morinaga quietly, methodically prepared dinner. The _chop, chop_ of the knife against the cutting board filled the quiet kitchen. Souchi continued to stare holes in Morinaga's back as he prepared for a reaction from Morinaga. He continually picked at his nails and fingertips.

"...say something," Souchi whispered. Again, no reaction. Frustration was building in his chest. "Damnnit, Morinaga, fucking say something!"

"What am I supposed to say?!" Morinaga finally exploded. "Oh, I'm sorry that I raped you and mentally, physically, and emotionally scar you. I'm sorry that I tried to separate myself from you but you wouldn't let me. I'm sorry that things are the way they are now. I'm sorry."

Morinaga's initial sarcasm in his tone was gone. Only sincere pain and regret in his voice. His fist were bunched at his side and his eyes scrunched up. Morinaga slowly raised his fists and pressed his knuckles to his temple.

"What am I suppose to do."

Souchi breath hitched. Why is he even bringing this up? Did he want Morinaga to leave? Morinaga's right. What is he even expecting Morinaga to do. Apologize? Talk to him about it? Leave?...never. He'd never allow that. A soft tap of a plates in front of him alerted him out of his reverie.

"Dinner's ready."

"Thanks."

The one word conversation were awkward at best. Not knowing what else to fill the silence with, Souchi just ate.

"It's good…"

"Um...thanks…"

The meal ended as quietly as it started. Morinaga finished first and began gathering his dirty plates and putting them in the sink. "Senpai, you can leave after you finish eating. I'll do the dishes."

"Are you sure you don't want help?"

"No, I'm sure."

Following Morinaga's suggestions, Souchi got up and got ready for bed. Once in bed, a soft knock alerted him of Morinaga's presence outside his door. Souchi got up and slowly made his way to the door. Once opened, he saw Morinaga, also in sleeping clothes, standing before him.

"Can we talk?" Souchi silently nodded. Souchi turned around and made his way back to his bed and scooted over, expecting Morinaga to join him on the bed. To his surprise, Morinaga pulled his desk chair and set it right in front of Souchi's bed and sat down. Souchi audibly swallowed.

"I've been thinking, senpai. About what to do."

"...Morinaga, just forget about it. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No, I can't do that." Souchi scanned the man in front of him. Elbows resting on his knees, hands held together in front of him, eyes looking to the side-

"I can leave." Souchi head snapped up.

"You can't do that! Leave whenever there's a problem!." Souchi bellowed. Shoulder taut, hands gripping the bed sheets.

"Or therapy."

Souchi frozed. Morinaga looked over at his senpai, gauging his reaction.

"I do not need any therapy! I'm fine!" Souchi angrily replied.

"Okay. I can leave then."

"You can't do that either!"

"Senpai, then what do you want us to do? I want this for us. So bad. But I can't be with you or be okay with you being with me if you flinch and repel me at every turn. If you don't want to go to therapy, I'm going to move out. We can still be colleagues and friends, but not anything else. Do you want that?" Morinaga took a deep breath after the long speech.

Speechless, Souchi sat there. Morinaga's offering to just be friends. Go back to how they were. He should be jumping at this chance. No more getting attacked every time he let his guard down. No longer feeling guilty for not accepting Morinaga's advances. No more trying to rise up and meet unrealistic expectations of love and sex set by Morinaga. No more.

But.

Also no more moments where him and Morinaga curl up on the couch and quietly talk about their day. No more kisses. Forehead kisses. Eyebrow kisses. Neck kisses. Shoulder kisses. Hand kisses. Kisses. And at the end of the day, he won't hear Morinaga whisper goodnight in his ear. He won't go to Morinaga's room before bed, demanding warmth to thwart the cold. He wont get to see Morinaga's face, gazing at him like he's the most important, most beautiful creature in the world when they hold each other.

Souchi quick grabbed Morinaga's clenched hands. "No you can't move out. I'll go. To therapy I mean."

Morinaga let out a deep, shuddering breath. "Okay...okay. I'll go too. To a different one." Morinaga began to get up from his seat, Souchi grabbed his hand.

"Stay. With me I mean. Tonight." Souchi mumbled. "...please." Morinaga used his other hand to gently remove Souchi's hand.

"I don't think that's a good idea senpai. We both had a really tough night. You should go to bed. We'll talk more in the morning. Good night." Morinaga leaned forward and gently kissed Souchi on the forehead before exiting the room.


	5. SOS

**Morinaga's POV**

The following morning Morinaga did his best to seem normal. Got up. Took a shower. Got dressed. Get breakfast ready. Once done with breakfast, he waited for Souchi to come out of his room.

 _Maybe I should check on him_ , Morinaga thought while staring at the older man's bedroom door, _No. Senpai doesn't want me smothering him right now. He needs space. Especially after last night._

Ten minutes pass and the door remained close with out any noises coming from behind it. Morinaga reluctantly got up and softly knocked on Souchi's door.

"Senpai...breakfast is ready." Morinaga said into the door. After a few moments, he gently opened the door and found senpai still sleeping. But not in the bed. For some reason, Souchi had slept at his desk with his head in his arms, and hair in a tangle mess around his shoulders. Morinaga moved forwards and gently touched one of his shoulders and began shaking him awake.

"Get up, senpai. C'mon. Breakfast's ready." Morinaga said.

"...mmmh.."Souchi mumbled into the crook of his arm. He began slowly gaining wakefulness.

"Morinaga? What are you doing here?"

"Senpai, you slept through the alarm. You should get up now, breakfast is done." Morinaga said with a soft smile. He ruffled Souchi's hair and subsequently left the room.

 **Souchi's POV**

 _What was that about_ , Souchi thought. _Usually, he would try to kiss me awake or some other nonsense like that._ Suddenly, memories from last came back and Souchi turned absolutely crimson.

 _I cannot believe I said that. Or agreed to something as ridiculous as therapy!_ Souchi angrily thought while storming out of his room into the adjacent bathroom and loudly slamming the door. He turned on the shower and hopped in. The warm water doing little to soothe his torrents of anxiety.

 _I can't outright refuse the idea,_ Souchi thought, _but if I don't agree to it, Morinaga's gonna drop off the face of the planet. Urghhhhh, what the fuck. What the fuck am I supposed to do. Why did I even bring those things up. We were doing just fine as we were._

"Stupid TV. Stupid documentary. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." Souchi began muttering to himself. After regaining his composure, he stepped out of the shower and got dressed. Putting on an air of stoicism, he joined Morinaga at their low coffee table. The meal proceeded without a word from either men. Just as Souchi thought that their breakfast was going to be as silent as a funeral, Morinaga hesitantly spoke up.

"So do you remember what happened last night...and what we talked about?" Morinaga began hesitantly. Souchi flinched when the subject of last night's conversation was brought up. Nervously, he began moving food around his bowl with his chopsticks. Unsure how to continue the topic, Morinaga probed again.

"..So how are you feeling about it today?"

"I don't want to go to therapy. I don't need it." Souchi finally replied, looking up from his food, "I was blackmailed into last it night by you. You threatened to leave! I said whatever I could to make you stay…" Souchi's voice began to tremble, eyes downcast.

Morinaga eyes widen in surprise. Huh...he did do that. He stood up and walked to Senpai's side of the table. He then continued to sit down beside Souchi and gently pull him into his lap.

"What are you doing! First you avoid me. Now you're touching me. Make up your damn mind!" Souchi shouted. However, it only prompted Morinaga to hold him tighter.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have had forced you to make a decision." Morinaga said quietly, hands linking around Souchi's abdomen. "I'm sorry for getting angry last night as well."

"Forget about it." Souchi gruffly replied, face hidden from view.

"That's the thing, love, I can't. This is a real issue between us. The reality is, I did sexually assault you. I did hurt you immeasurably. And at the time, I blamed you for being inconsiderate of my feelings."

"So it's my fault. I was being inconsiderate towards your feelings. Let's forget about this." Souchi quickly said into the crook of Morinaga's neck. He waited for a sign of agreement from the younger man but when nothing but a sigh was heard, Souchi gritted his teeth.

"I'm taking the blame for this. Why can't you accept that and we can move on. No need for therapy. No need for you leaving." Souchi insisted again, more panic in his demeanor.

Morinaga was silent still. Then, after a sigh, Morinaga finally looked into Souchi's eyes.

"I'm not blaming you and I can't let you take the blame either. Us ignoring it wont make what happen go away. The way we are, I can't bring myself to accept that we're in a healthy relationship. I will always doubt my place beside you." Morinaga whispered.

Souchi was livid at this point. What did that damn Morinaga want?! He took the blame already. Why can't that foolish idiot just agree with him! As his frustration build, Souchi slipped on his words.

"You started all this! It's your fault!" But as soon as the words let Souchi's mouth, he gasped. Eyes wide, he looked towards Morinaga for damage control, "Wait- I-I me-"

"No it's okay. I know you didn't mean that. You're just angry. You have every right to be." Morinaga said softly. "Look", he continued, "How about this. It's not either one of our faults. Yeah? Instead of Me versus You, we think Me and You versus The Problem. What's the problem and how can it be solved?"

Souchi was quiet before suddenly, sadly, whispering, "I don't know…. Why can't this work for us? Why is this so hard?"

Morinaga, finally leading Souchi to the correct conclusion, replied just as somberly, "I don't know either. And that's why we need a professional. I know you're not open to the idea yet. It's okay. Take as much time as you need to come to a decision. I'll support whichever one you make."

Souchi removed himself from Morinaga's lap and then helped the younger man back onto his feet. Both cleaned up breakfast and left together to head over to Nagoya University.

Later that night, after both men have turned in for the day. Souchi visited Morinaga's room. After a soft knock, the door opened to reveal a sleepy Morinaga.

"What's up, Senpai?" Morinaga questioned.

"Tomorrow. Let's set up a meeting with a therapist tomorrow. I want us to go together." Souchi said, expression schooled into a look of conviction.

Morinaga gently smiled. "Okay, love." He leaned forward to kiss Souchi on the forehead and was about to bid him goodnight when Souchi grabbed his hand.

"Let's sleep in my room tonight, yeah?"


	6. Two Steps Forward

**Souichi's POV**

"Let's stay in my room tonight...yeah?" Souichi's softly said while stroking the skin of Morinaga's wrist. He was tempted to grab it and just haul him back to his own room but he didn't want to be forceful. Especially now, when the couple seem to be on eggshells. The hesitation in Morinaga's eyes and posture saddened him. He remembered a time when his simple kouhai would jump at the chance to share a bed with him. After an uncomfortable bit of silence, Souichi leaned forward, gently moving his lip's closer to Morinaga.

"Sorry. Sempai, this isn't a good idea." Morinaga said after taking half a step back.

"...why. It's not a big deal. Just sharing a bed." Souichi grumbled.

"Senpai, my self-control is nonexistent right now. That's not your fault...it's fine. Our relationship right now is a bit awkward. I just think it's best if we aren't so close." Morinaga tried to reason.

"Can you stop making decisions for me? I'm an adult." Souichi replied shortly, his fist clenched at his sides.

"...senpai, you know that's not what I'm doing." Morinaga conceded.

"Then come back to my room with me. I've already compromised with this whole therapy mess. Can I just get some semblance of normalcy back." Souichi said. Morinaga said nothing. The silence stretched on to an uncomfortable degree. Souichi bit the bullet and was about to whip around and return to his room, Morinaga grabbed his wrist and said a quiet, "Let's go then."

Souichi sighed in relief and let Morinaga drag him back to his room. The apartment was quiet, all the lights since turned off for the night. The _whrring_ of the appliance and the soft dripping of the faucet resonated through the kitchen as the two men shuffled toward's Souichi's room. It was then Souichi realized how much time has passed.

Souichi still remembered when they met. At the time, Souichi was still on his final year of his undergraduate degree in Agriculture and the eighteen year-old Morinaga was almost a background thought as he furiously applied to different Master's program in the region.

Morinaga saw him on the college green reading but didn't have the courage to interact with him until he posted a lab assistant position on the department's bulletin board. Even then, Souichi doesn't really remember much in the first few interaction. His head was so far into his experiments. But then he starts interacting with the gangly eighteen year old with the wavy mop of hair and a never ending smile.

The sleepovers. The alcohol. The stupid variety shows. And then all of a sudden, Morinaga wasn't just "that one lab assistant". He was Tetsuhiro Morinaga. A good guy with a heart of gold who puts up with a lot of Souichi's bullshit. Who Souichi value's enough to keep around despite going against his own bias.

Souichi hears his breathing in the background and notices that in the last five years, Morinaga's gotten taller. The bean stalk. He was already tall when they met. Wasn't there some sort of fact that boys don't stop growing until they're 21? At 6'1", he towers over most japanese men.  
His train of thought was suddenly disturbed with Morinaga turned around and faced him.

"Are you sure about this?" Morinaga somberly said.

Souichi huffed and grabbed Morinaga's hand. "Stop asking. Yeah, I am."

Both men walked into the room. Souichi immediately crawled into bed. Turning around to look for Morinaga in the dark, his face was completely flushed at what he saw. Why was Morinaga stripping?!

"Why are you taking off your clothes?!" Souichi spluttered. Morinaga froze, sweat pants halfway down his legs.

"...This is how I always sleep, senpai. If you're not comfortable I can put my clothes back on!" Morinaga said earnestly. Souichi look uneasily at the half-naked man. If he backs out now, Morinaga might leave back to his room.

"No...I'm fine. You can stay like that, I don't care." Souichi mumbled, then turned in his bed, facing the wall. He felt the dip of his kouhai behind him and the warmth of his chest. Souci slowly backed towards the heat source. He then felt arms wrap around his middle and breaths puffed at this neck.

"Is this okay?" Morinaga whispered against Souichi's neck.

"...it's fine. Stop asking." Souichi whispered back. Since asking Morinaga to stay, Souichi realized their relationship hasn't changed much. They had sex more regularly...well, that's not true. Since then, Morinaga's frequently spends his weeks riding the _shinkansen_ back and forth from Nagoya and Hamamatsu. The many weeks training kept Morinaga away from Nagoya for long periods of time.

When he was here, he spent most of his time helping Souichi catch up on lab work or helping Professor Fukushima in the department. From errands from the university to the take home assignments given by S Pharmaceuticals, Morinaga frequently spent every minute busy. By the time evening rolled around, Morinaga had exactly enough energy to eat, bathe, watched TV for half an hour, and go to bed. On the rare occasion that sex does happen, it ends quickly just because both Souichi and Morinaga are so exhausted from the long days.

So no...despite taking their relationship to the next level, their intimate times have gotten less because real life gets in the way. There was a period where Souichi and Morinaga didn't even touch each other except for a quick peck for an entire month. Between training trips to Hamamatsu and Souichi coming to the end of term for his first doctoral year, neither noticed that they haven't spoken or touched to each other in almost a month.

Funny enough, it was Souichi who noticed first. After that, they had both agree to put a little more effort into their relationship-but-not. Admitting for Morinaga to stay in his life took a lot of resolve to get to...he's not sure he can take another huge step so soon. But he's afraid not making that step will lose him Morinaga.

 **Morinaga's POV**

Souichi's breathing evened out. What an eventful day. Unsure of how to process everything, Morinaga just continued to breath evenly, arms loosely wrapped around the other man's waist. What was suppose to happen after this… Clearly, despite the past year or so, senpai isn't over what happened. Morinaga scooted closer and closed his eyes. One problem at a time.

"Hey...wake up idiot!" Souichi called. Morinaga still felt senpai's body in his arms. _So he hasn't gotten mad and jumped out yet_ , Morinaga thought. Morinaga cracked an eyelid opened and spotted his senpai resting his head against a fist. His ash brown hair flowing down each shoulder. Without glasses, senpai's eyes seem sharper, more piercing. As the Morinaga process the visage before him, senpai squinted suspiciously.

"What are you plotting?" Senpai said softly, eyes accusing but tone otherwise playful. "You're not getting anything from me!"

"I was just wondering how anyone can be so beautiful in the morning, senpai." Morinaga replied. Senpai's face began turning red and before you know it, his cheeks, ears, and even neck was flushed from embarrassment. Pushing Morinaga off, senpai dashed out of bed and into the bathroom.

"Shut up, idiot!" senpai called from the bathroom, voice mortified. Giggling to himself, Morinaga eventually got our of bed and got ready. Walking into the kitchen, he began to prepare breakfast. By the time senpai was out of the shower, the smell of ham and eggs has filled the entire small kitchen.

"Do you need help with anything?" Souichi asked from behind Morinaga.

"I'm fine. Can you set the table with coffee and silverware?" Morinaga asked. Souichi mumbled consent and begin making the coffee. Once cooked, Morinaga brought the food to the low coffee table. Both began eating in silence.

Morinaga wasn't sure how to bring up last night. _Maybe I should just drop it,_ Morinaga thought, it's not worth seeing so torn up about it. _He seemed fine last night._ So deep in thought, Morinaga didn't even realized he had begun moving food about on his plate and not eating. This caught Souichi's attention and he spoke up.

"What's wrong? Are you not hungry?" Souichi asked around a mouthful of eggs and lettuce.

"S'not that, senpai…" Morinaga said, looking up from his food. "I was just wondering if you remember what we talked about last night? Are you still okay with it? Do you want to talk about it?" It appeared as though Morinaga had not even spoken. Senpai continued to eat, the silence stretching.

"About yesterday, if you feel that we...I, should go, then I'll do it. Personally, I don't want to. But if this is what it takes for you to be as eased with me, then I'll go." Souichi finally said, putting down his plate.

Morinaga could not believe his ears. _This isn't about making me feeling at ease!_ Thought Morinaga incredulously, _this is for him! He needs to want to do it himself._

"Senpai...why do you want to go to therapy? Honestly." Morinaga asked.

"We have issues or whatever…" Souichi mumbled around his breakfast salad. He looked up and met the eyes of his kouhai. "I thought you wanted to talk about it with 'a professional' or something." As he spoke, he made air quotes while scowling.

Clenching his fist, Morinaga made up his mind. "Let's not go to therapy. You don't want to and I don't want to force you to." Souichi paused and scrunched his eyebrows. He's slowly lowered his food bowl and utensils and crossed his arms. While squinting his eyes in suspicion, he spoke up.

"What's the catch?" Souichi asked. Morinaga blinked.

I knew it. He only wants to do this because I'm not giving him a choice, Morinaga thought but then spoke, "Why don't you want to talk about this with someone else?"

"Because I'm a private person!" Souichi snapped. The older man finished his food and got up to put away the dishes. While Souchi angrily scrubbed the dishes, Morinaga finished his breakfast as well. Placing the dishes in the sink for Souchi to wash, Morinaga then gazed at his beloved.

"Okay, well it's Sunday. What do you want to do?" Morinaga asked while studying his senpai's face. Souchi paused for a moment before speaking.

"Well...I read somewhere that communication helps solve relationship problems - not that this is what that is - but we do...stuff. Like, let's go to that bookstore." Souchi asked, his face hidden by his hair but the flush of his ears still noticeable.

"Are we going on a date?" Morinaga prodded, an amused look on his face. Souchi flushed even more scarlet and began viciously scrubbing the dirty dishes.


	7. The American

Morinaga's POV

The fall weather was crisp and bit his nose as Morinaga followed his Senpai to his favorite bookstore in uptown Nagoya, about a 20 minute ride by _shinkansen_. After mentioning a date, Senpai ended up clamming up and not answering any questions about plans. Just a emphatic, "Get ready, idiot!"

Morinaga gave an exasperated sigh as he followed the silhouette of Senpai's back. The dark beige jacket and sturdy blue jean was plain. Crop Senpai's head off and he'd look like any other guy on the street, maybe a little taller and thinner but plain. It's Senpai other traits that were desirable. His long ash brown hair. His sharp eyes. Elegant Jaw. The amber coloring of his eyes complimented his light hair and pale skin. That tight as-

Damnit, Mori, not now.

 _You have about as much control of your lust as prepubescent boy who just discovered masturbation_ , Mori reprimanded himself. Despite what Senpai may think, Morinaga isn't avoiding touching just to be a jerk. Being around Senpai all the time makes it so damn hard. Especially now when Senpai suddenly feel the need to constantly act like they're in a relationship but still refuse to admit that they are.

From the corner of his eyes, he could see young women side eyeing Senpai as they walk past. Young teenagers inconspicuously whispering to each other and pointing at the older man. Senpai, for all his intelligence, Mr.-I'm-getting-a-doctorate-fuck-you himself, does not notice.

(But Morinaga thinks it's endearing really. Senpai's dense and doesn't pay attention to much else but his family and his studies...and now him. He thinks of the other Masaki and his other ex-boyfriends and how none are like Senpai. And he thinks maybe that's why this thing is working, because he stopped chasing for Masaki's ghost in other men.)

His attention is brought back to the present when he bumps into Senpai. Oof.

"Senpai why did you stop?" Morinaga asked as he looked ahead but his question was answers when he saw the intersection. Senpai rolled his eyes and huffed. Morinaga looked dazedly as the crossing sign, waiting for the little white figurine to appear.

"It is now safe to walk," the electronic female voice announced. Both men began following up hub of foot traffic across the street. The older man opened the bookstore and a bell resounded over the store.

"Wellcome Palm Tree Bookstore!" a cashier said from the countertop. Morinaga replied a thanks and Senpai nodded in acknowledgement. _Some date this is turning out to me. I think he's only said four words to me so far._ Morinaga thought. _This may end up being another errand._ The thought of going to just buy school supplies made a sigh slip past Morinaga's throat.

Senpai noticed and frowned.

"Are you bored? If you don't want to look at books, just wait somewhere. I don't care." Sempai groused and stalked off. Morinaga quickly walked after and yanked on his wrist.

"Senpai, wait. What are you upset about it? I want to be here or otherwise I wouldn't have came." Morinaga tried explaining. The older man stared at him head on but quickly turned his head.

"Well, you can at least act a little nicer." Souchi mumbled. He walked towards the organic chemistry section of the store. Fingering through a few titles, he grabbed one specializing in Agriculture Pharmaceuticals and showed it to Morinaga.

"Hey. The new edition came out. I wonder if the author changed anything from previous years. The last book was pretty interesting." Souchi said as he thumbed through the first chapter. Pointing to a diagram, he continued talking, he voice getting more animated and hands gesticulating the processes.

Morinaga smiled. _What a dork._ He huffed in amusement. Morinaga was never really one for research. He applied for the position to get closer to senpai. He knew he lacked the intuitive skills it took to make a living out of just research alone, so he's perfectly happy with his current job. In all honesty, he went to college to get out of his old town's shadow.

He's good at school. So he kept going. And going, until before you know it, he's suddenly a student working towards a master in Agricultural Chemistry. He doesn't hate where he's at. Far from it actually, he indescribably happy to spend his time with the man next to him. He's just wish there were some things that didn't happen. _I lack patience._

The younger man continue to follow his senior around, adding comments as other talked about the textbooks and journals he has been waiting for.

"That will be 12,689 yen. Will that be card or cash?" the cashier girl said.

"Card," Senpai decided. Before Senpai could pull out his wallet, Morinaga swiped his own card and grabbed the bag holding the newly bought books.

"Thank you!" he called back while dragging Senpai across the store and out the door. "I'm kinda feeling cake? How about-"

"Why did you do that?!" Souchi barked, yanking his wrist out of Morinaga's grasp. His face was flushed and fists tightly clenched. "I can pay for my own things! That girl probably thought it was we were...involved or something!"

Morinaga looked around the courtyard they were standing in. Others who were there tried to discreetly stare from behind their phones and books. He took a deep breath and pushed the older man towards the cafe he was eyeing.

Once in, Morinaga set the books down and ordered a latte and a coffee, black, no cream, no sugar. He let Senpai cool off, and when the drinks arrived, he named the first items he saw on the menu.

"Salmon and asparagus. Seafood pasta." he listed off and promptly returned the menu. He didn't understand his Senpai's attitude right now. When they worked in the labs, they frequently ate out together. They look turns paying and the older man never had this kind of reaction to being paid for. Why is he-

 _Oh. He had forgotten this was a date and now he's conscious of it again._

Morinaga slowly sipped on his latte. _I let him bring the topic up._

Senpai eventually finished his coffee and set the glass down. He glared at Morinaga from above his glasses and was about to speak up when the waitress came by with their food.

"Here you go, the Salmon and Asparagus and the Seafood Pasta. Who ordered which?" their waitress said expectedly. There was a beat of awkward pause. Morinaga coughed and spoke up.

"Seafood for me, salmon for him. Thank you…" Morinaga said, trying to remove this poor waitress form the tension hot zone that is there table. As she was beginning to walk off-

"Wait-excuse me ma'am. Excuse me." Souchi said. The young lady turned around and raised her eyebrows expectantly. "I would like to pay for this now."

Souchi slipped his card into her hands and turned back to face Morinaga. He crosses his arms. The scrunching his eyebrows did not go away.

"Don't do that again. Pay for me. I have my own income." Souchi said flatly.

"Aren't we on a "date"." Morinaga rebutted, using air quotes. He really shouldn't be teasing the guy, not if he wants to keep the mood from getting worse. He sighed again and raised his arms is acquiesced. "Alright, alright. No more getting the bill. What do you want instead? Go half and half?"

"What I want for you is to stop changing things!" Souchi snapped quietly over his salmon. "You've never paid for my school books before! Like I said, I have my own income, I can pay for my own school supplies."

"Senpai, I can afford to buy you books. And anyway, I did it to be nice. Because I...love...you." Morinaga said, spacing out the last three words for emphasis. The older man flushed again.

"Well, you don't need to. Buy stuff for me, I mean. You can keep..you know-arhg! Whatever!" Although Senpai had his arm covering most of his face, Morinaga could tell he was blushing by the tips of his ears, and the back of his neck. He let out a soft chuckle.

Right then Morinaga knew the tension has dissipated. The conversations started to flow, jumping from school to food to family to work. As Morinaga listened to his story, he made eye contact with a patron from across the room. His eyes widen when he realized it was the patron from Adamsite he met recently. He quickly looked away and hoped to every divine being out there that this guy doesn't come up to him

Nope. He's coming.

"Excuse me, hi, it's me, from Adamsite!" during the noon daylight and sober, the man looked even more gorgeous. The dirty blond was coiffed into perfection, his blue eyes, almost clear, made his entire face glow. The man was in a sweater and slacks to fit the weather.

"Hello, it's nice to see you again. Thank you for the drink the day before." Morinaga said reluctantly. Souchi eyebrows raised to his hairline. _Drink? This guy bought you a drink and you didn't even say anything? Shouldn't that be something you tell me Mori?_ The older man waited to be introduced.

"This is my Senpai from school, Souchi Tatsumi." Morinaga said, flickering a hand towards Senpai.

"How're you doing? I go to Adamsite pretty frequently since I moved to Nagoya so I'm surprised yesterday was my first time seeing you. You seemed like you know Hiroto. Anyway-agh...damn. My lunch break is almost over." the man said again, "By the way, my name is Mathew Lock, Matt, I work at the Mental Wellness and Therapy Clinic across the street. Here's my card. Come by when you can, so we can chat." Which a wink and a wave, Matt walked out the shop.

Like a storm, as quickly as he came, Matt left, leaving Morinaga floundering for an explanation. The awkward silence felt suffocating. Not knowing what to say, Morinaga, reached out for the card but Senpai beat him to it and snatched it away.

"So how did you guys meet?" Souchi said coolly while glancing down at the card.


End file.
